my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i love accidental penises.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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