question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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