That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
