4 words: hood of his car
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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