I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
