i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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