And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
