I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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