we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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