I love black thongs
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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