I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
