He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
