ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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