HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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