The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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