Me too!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
