I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
