life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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