Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
