im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
