never play flip cup with pint glasses
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
