operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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