He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
