i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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