I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
