Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
