If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
