Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
