Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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