i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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