A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
