I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
