Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
