90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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