you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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