Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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