I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
