She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
