why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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