i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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