I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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