In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
