Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
