so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
