i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
