Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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