Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
