Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
