Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
