Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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