im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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