then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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