Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
