Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
