im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
