Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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