DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
